The past three weeks have been a real fucking challenge. It takes me a lot of courage to admit that I am struggling. I have been battling a few things for a long time. Feeling tired all the time AND feeling physical anxiety/restlessness. I love walking and hiking and just can’t seem to find the energy to do it. I have been telling my psychiatrist about the physical anxiety feeling in my body and she put two and two together and told me I have all of the symptoms of akathisia. Akathisia is a well known side effect of the antipsychotic medicine (Vraylar) I take for bipolar disorder. Well known to the experts, but not to me. I did my research and it’s definitely something that I have been enduring for years. Akathisia can lead to death by suicide because it is so uncomfortable and unpleasant. My doctor prescribed me […]
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Who am I without self-medicating?
Open Letter to Whatcom & Bellingham Leaders – Gratitude for Extended Shelter Operations & Urgent Need for Warming Centers
From: Tukayote Helianthus <emailme@tukayote.com>Date: Sunday, February 9, 2025 at 14:05To: mayorsoffice@cob.org <mayorsoffice@cob.org>, ccmail@cob.org <ccmail@cob.org>, hestone@cob.org <hestone@cob.org>, hahuthman@cob.org <hahuthman@cob.org>, dchammill@cob.org <dchammill@cob.org>, Cotton, Jace A. <jacotton@cob.org>, ehwilliams@cob.org <ehwilliams@cob.org>, laanderson@cob.org <laanderson@cob.org>, mlilliquist@cob.org <mlilliquist@cob.org>, Council <council@co.whatcom.wa.us>, kgallowa@co.whatcom.wa.us <kgallowa@co.whatcom.wa.us>, bbuchana@co.whatcom.wa.us <bbuchana@co.whatcom.wa.us>, tdonovan@co.whatcom.wa.us <tdonovan@co.whatcom.wa.us>, tbyrd@co.whatcom.wa.us <tbyrd@co.whatcom.wa.us>, belenbaa@co.whatcom.wa.us <belenbaa@co.whatcom.wa.us>, DTanksle@co.whatcom.wa.us <DTanksle@co.whatcom.wa.us>, ssidhu@co.whatcom.wa.us <ssidhu@co.whatcom.wa.us>, Jon Scanlon <JScanlon@co.whatcom.wa.us>Subject: Gratitude for Extended Shelter Operations & Urgent Need for Warming Centers Dear Government Leaders, I want to start by sincerely thanking you, along with the dedicated staff and volunteers, for the recent 10-day opening of the Whatcom Severe Weather Shelter from February 2nd through February 11th. This consistent operation has been a vital lifeline for many in our community, and I deeply appreciate the efforts made to ensure our unhoused neighbors have a safe, warm place to go during these dangerously cold nights. However, I remain concerned about the lack of daytime warming centers and the uncertainty surrounding shelter operations beyond […]
Read MoreOpen Letter to Local Government: Open the Shelter!
From: Tukayote Helianthus <emailme@tukayote.com>Date: Friday, January 31, 2025 at 13:31To: mayorsoffice@cob.org <mayorsoffice@cob.org>, ccmail@cob.org <ccmail@cob.org>, hestone@cob.org <hestone@cob.org>, hahuthman@cob.org <hahuthman@cob.org>, dchammill@cob.org <dchammill@cob.org>, Cotton, Jace A. <jacotton@cob.org>, ehwilliams@cob.org <ehwilliams@cob.org>, laanderson@cob.org <laanderson@cob.org>, mlilliquist@cob.org <mlilliquist@cob.org>, Council <council@co.whatcom.wa.us>, CFrazey@co.whatcom.wa.us <CFrazey@co.whatcom.wa.us>, kgallowa@co.whatcom.wa.us <kgallowa@co.whatcom.wa.us>, bbuchana@co.whatcom.wa.us <bbuchana@co.whatcom.wa.us>, tdonovan@co.whatcom.wa.us <tdonovan@co.whatcom.wa.us>, tbyrd@co.whatcom.wa.us <tbyrd@co.whatcom.wa.us>, belenbaa@co.whatcom.wa.us <belenbaa@co.whatcom.wa.us>, DTanksle@co.whatcom.wa.us <DTanksle@co.whatcom.wa.us>, ssidhu@co.whatcom.wa.us <ssidhu@co.whatcom.wa.us>, Jon Scanlon <JScanlon@co.whatcom.wa.us>Subject: Whatcom Severe Winter Shelter – Closed on Saturday and 45% of the nights that met the 32F threshold Dear Executive Satpal Sidhu, Whatcom County Council Members, Mayor Kim Lund, Bellingham City Council, and Sheriff Tanksley, I am writing to you with urgent concern regarding the continued failures in operating the Whatcom Severe Weather Shelter, particularly in light of the Winter Storm Watch issued for our region this weekend. As of now, the Whatcom County Severe Weather Shelter is not scheduled to open on Saturday, February 1st, despite forecasted temperatures of 31°F without wind chill factored in, and significant snowfall […]
Read MoreRoxy. She’s on my mind tonight.
I have introduced this part a few times. A fierce protector. In Internal Family Systems lingo, a firefighter. Roxy will stop at no cost when it comes to protecting me from fear (aka chronic anxiety). Her weapon of choice? Dopamine. Usually of the habitual or addictive behavior. She is constantly finding ways to stimulate my dopamine levels. Dopamine, I could write a chapter on. It’s a feel good neurotransmitter. Some of us have imbalances with it. So we crave it. Intensely. Things that people do to stimulate dopamine, like drugs, nicotine, alcohol, kratom, caffeine, etc… can be quite addictive. In comes Roxy. So as I cut alcohol and cigarettes last year, I rapidly developed type 2 diabetes. And gained over twenty pounds. In about 9 months. What does this have to do with Roxy? Well, when she offers alcohol and I say no…and when I say no to other things…she […]
Read MoreOpen Letter to City/County Leadership: Immediate Action Required: Severe Weather Shelter Capacity Crisis
From: Tukayote Helianthus <emailme@tukayote.com>Date: Saturday, January 18, 2025 at 18:39To: mayorsoffice@cob.org <mayorsoffice@cob.org>, ccmail@cob.org <ccmail@cob.org>, hestone@cob.org <hestone@cob.org>, hahuthman@cob.org <hahuthman@cob.org>, dchammill@cob.org <dchammill@cob.org>, Cotton, Jace A. <jacotton@cob.org>, ehwilliams@cob.org <ehwilliams@cob.org>, laanderson@cob.org <laanderson@cob.org>, mlilliquist@cob.org <mlilliquist@cob.org>, Council <council@co.whatcom.wa.us>, CFrazey@co.whatcom.wa.us <CFrazey@co.whatcom.wa.us>, kgallowa@co.whatcom.wa.us <kgallowa@co.whatcom.wa.us>, bbuchana@co.whatcom.wa.us <bbuchana@co.whatcom.wa.us>, tdonovan@co.whatcom.wa.us <tdonovan@co.whatcom.wa.us>, tbyrd@co.whatcom.wa.us <tbyrd@co.whatcom.wa.us>, belenbaa@co.whatcom.wa.us <belenbaa@co.whatcom.wa.us>, DTanksle@co.whatcom.wa.us <DTanksle@co.whatcom.wa.us>, ssidhu@co.whatcom.wa.us <ssidhu@co.whatcom.wa.us>, Jon Scanlon <JScanlon@co.whatcom.wa.us> Dear Executive Satpal Sidhu, Whatcom County Council Members, Mayor Kim Lund, Bellingham City Council, and Sheriff Tanksley, I am writing to express grave concern over the severe weather shelter crisis in Whatcom County. Tonight, Saturday, January 18th, the Bellingham Severe Weather Shelter reached full capacity early in the evening, leaving over 1,000 people unsheltered during one of the coldest nights forecasted this winter. With temperatures plummeting to 25°F and wind chill making conditions even more dangerous, many in our community are left exposed to life-threatening conditions. This situation is unacceptable and constitutes an emergency requiring immediate action. Key Facts […]
Read MoreOne Year Dry – What’s next?
Today marks a significant milestone in my personal journey toward sobriety. I have achieved a milestone of a year sober from alcohol, 90 days free from Kratom, and 362 days without smoking tobacco cigarettes. While I am often considered “California Sober” due to my continued cannabis use, I have made a conscious decision to eliminate it from my life. This decision was prompted by my growing dependence on cannabis and the severe withdrawal symptoms I experienced during preparation for my brain scans. Recognizing the importance of maintaining a stable mental health baseline, I have decided to eliminate both cannabis and vaping nicotine from my routine. These substances have become crutches, preventing me from accurately assessing my mental health without their influence. Unlike my previous experience in December when I abruptly stopped cannabis without a recovery plan and only managed to remain cannabis-free for a brief period, I am now employing […]
Read MoreWellness Reminder – EAP/Peer Support/Mental Health First Aid/988
Hello Everyone, Happy New Year and welcome to 2025! I hope you had a joyful and relaxing holiday season. This time of year, with its colder weather, darker days, and post-holiday lull, can sometimes feel a little heavy—especially when it comes to our mental health. The important thing to remember is that you don’t have to face these feelings alone. There are FREE resources available to support you, and I want to take a moment to highlight a couple of them. First, many employers offer an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). This is a free, confidential program designed to support employees and their household family members. Whether you’re navigating personal challenges, workplace concerns, or need guidance on legal or financial matters, EAP is here to help. You can find more information about their services through your HR department. Second, I’m here for you as well! I’m a trained and certified Peer Supporter and Mental […]
Read MoreFollow-Up: Request to Open Severe Weather Shelter During January Encampment Clearing
Subject: Follow-Up: Request to Open Severe Weather Shelter During January Encampment Clearing Dear Mayor Kim Lund, Members of the Bellingham City Council, Members of the Whatcom County Council, and County Executive Satpal Sidhu, I am writing again to express my deep concern regarding the upcoming clearing of the Bakerview and Northwest Avenue encampment, scheduled to begin the week of January 20, 2025. As previously mentioned, this action will displace approximately 75–100 individuals, many of whom have no other shelter options. With the risks posed by cold weather and limited alternatives for those affected, I urge you to take immediate action to mitigate the harm caused by this clearing. Specifically, I ask that you open the severe weather shelter for 14 days starting on January 15, 2025. This step would provide a safe, warm place for those being displaced, ensuring that lives are not unnecessarily put at risk during this transition. […]
Read MoreGot my results of the brain scans. ❤️
The full report is a 16 pages long. TL:DR Abnormal brain scan. My brain isn’t very healthy. These images are based on blood flow and don’t show the actual shape of my brain. So the “holes” are really weak areas of circulation. But my physical brain doesn’t have holes. Also evidence of brain injury, possibly multiple. The big takeaway is that my current mental diagnoses are aligned with what they see and with the 600 questions and roughly a dozen other evaluations they performed. We are ordering labs and a sleep study now to dig deeper into some of the other physical conditions I may have that can cause deteriorating brain health. Bottom line, poor circulation in many parts of my brain caused by injuries, exposures to toxins (chemicals as a kid, burn pits in the Air Force, smoking tobacco/cannabis, alcohol, kratom), childhood and adult trauma, and years of poor […]
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