From: Tukayote Helianthus <emailme@tukayote.com>Date: Friday, July 11, 2025 at 07:26To: mayorsoffice@cob.org <mayorsoffice@cob.org>, ccmail@cob.org <ccmail@cob.org>, hestone@cob.org <hestone@cob.org>, hahuthman@cob.org <hahuthman@cob.org>, dchammill@cob.org <dchammill@cob.org>, Cotton, Jace A. <jacotton@cob.org>, ehwilliams@cob.org <ehwilliams@cob.org>, laanderson@cob.org <laanderson@cob.org>, mlilliquist@cob.org <mlilliquist@cob.org>, council@co.whatcom.wa.us <council@co.whatcom.wa.us>, CFrazey@co.whatcom.wa.us <CFrazey@co.whatcom.wa.us>, kgallowa@co.whatcom.wa.us <kgallowa@co.whatcom.wa.us>, bbuchana@co.whatcom.wa.us <bbuchana@co.whatcom.wa.us>, tdonovan@co.whatcom.wa.us <tdonovan@co.whatcom.wa.us>, tbyrd@co.whatcom.wa.us <tbyrd@co.whatcom.wa.us>, kkershne@co.whatcom.wa.us <kkershne@co.whatcom.wa.us>, belenbaa@co.whatcom.wa.us <belenbaa@co.whatcom.wa.us>, DTanksle@co.whatcom.wa.us <DTanksle@co.whatcom.wa.us>, ssidhu@co.whatcom.wa.us <ssidhu@co.whatcom.wa.us>, Jon Scanlon <jscanlon@co.whatcom.wa.us>Subject: Follow-Up: No Response on Cooling Center Plans Ahead of Dangerous Heat Dear Bellingham and Whatcom County Officials, I am following up on my previous emails dated June 2, 2024, and June 3, 2025, regarding the urgent need for cooling centers as we approach another dangerously hot week. As of today, I have not received a response to the email on June 3, 2025 nor have I seen any public announcements regarding emergency cooling center availability for next week. Forecasted highs in the mid-80s—combined with direct sun and humidity—pose serious and well-documented health risks, especially to our unhoused […]
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From Fragmented to Whole: My Recovery Journey Since 2007
In 2007, I was diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder. I didn’t know then that this would be the first of many labels I’d carry—some helpful, some harmful, all trying to explain why my mind didn’t work the way other people’s seemed to. What I did know was that I was already at war with myself, and I hadn’t even realized I was on a battlefield. I was born into a volatile, high-stress environment—a home where emotional safety was rare, and where fear often arrived before love. I grew up hypervigilant, constantly scanning for danger, learning to stay small and quiet to survive. I experienced emotional abuse, neglect, and physical trauma that shaped my developing brain, body, and sense of worth. By the time I left home, I had already learned to expect abandonment and blame myself for everything I couldn’t control. As an adult, I joined the military, hoping for […]
Read MoreThe past three weeks have been a real fucking challenge.
The past three weeks have been a real fucking challenge. It takes me a lot of courage to admit that I am struggling. I have been battling a few things for a long time. Feeling tired all the time AND feeling physical anxiety/restlessness. I love walking and hiking and just can’t seem to find the energy to do it. I have been telling my psychiatrist about the physical anxiety feeling in my body and she put two and two together and told me I have all of the symptoms of akathisia. Akathisia is a well known side effect of the antipsychotic medicine (Vraylar) I take for bipolar disorder. Well known to the experts, but not to me. I did my research and it’s definitely something that I have been enduring for years. Akathisia can lead to death by suicide because it is so uncomfortable and unpleasant. My doctor prescribed me […]
Read MoreWho am I without self-medicating?
Roxy. She’s on my mind tonight.
I have introduced this part a few times. A fierce protector. In Internal Family Systems lingo, a firefighter. Roxy will stop at no cost when it comes to protecting me from fear (aka chronic anxiety). Her weapon of choice? Dopamine. Usually of the habitual or addictive behavior. She is constantly finding ways to stimulate my dopamine levels. Dopamine, I could write a chapter on. It’s a feel good neurotransmitter. Some of us have imbalances with it. So we crave it. Intensely. Things that people do to stimulate dopamine, like drugs, nicotine, alcohol, kratom, caffeine, etc… can be quite addictive. In comes Roxy. So as I cut alcohol and cigarettes last year, I rapidly developed type 2 diabetes. And gained over twenty pounds. In about 9 months. What does this have to do with Roxy? Well, when she offers alcohol and I say no…and when I say no to other things…she […]
Read MoreOne Year Dry – What’s next?
Today marks a significant milestone in my personal journey toward sobriety. I have achieved a milestone of a year sober from alcohol, 90 days free from Kratom, and 362 days without smoking tobacco cigarettes. While I am often considered “California Sober” due to my continued cannabis use, I have made a conscious decision to eliminate it from my life. This decision was prompted by my growing dependence on cannabis and the severe withdrawal symptoms I experienced during preparation for my brain scans. Recognizing the importance of maintaining a stable mental health baseline, I have decided to eliminate both cannabis and vaping nicotine from my routine. These substances have become crutches, preventing me from accurately assessing my mental health without their influence. Unlike my previous experience in December when I abruptly stopped cannabis without a recovery plan and only managed to remain cannabis-free for a brief period, I am now employing […]
Read MoreWellness Reminder – EAP/Peer Support/Mental Health First Aid/988
Hello Everyone, Happy New Year and welcome to 2025! I hope you had a joyful and relaxing holiday season. This time of year, with its colder weather, darker days, and post-holiday lull, can sometimes feel a little heavy—especially when it comes to our mental health. The important thing to remember is that you don’t have to face these feelings alone. There are FREE resources available to support you, and I want to take a moment to highlight a couple of them. First, many employers offer an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). This is a free, confidential program designed to support employees and their household family members. Whether you’re navigating personal challenges, workplace concerns, or need guidance on legal or financial matters, EAP is here to help. You can find more information about their services through your HR department. Second, I’m here for you as well! I’m a trained and certified Peer Supporter and Mental […]
Read MoreGot my results of the brain scans. ❤️
The full report is a 16 pages long. TL:DR Abnormal brain scan. My brain isn’t very healthy. These images are based on blood flow and don’t show the actual shape of my brain. So the “holes” are really weak areas of circulation. But my physical brain doesn’t have holes. Also evidence of brain injury, possibly multiple. The big takeaway is that my current mental diagnoses are aligned with what they see and with the 600 questions and roughly a dozen other evaluations they performed. We are ordering labs and a sleep study now to dig deeper into some of the other physical conditions I may have that can cause deteriorating brain health. Bottom line, poor circulation in many parts of my brain caused by injuries, exposures to toxins (chemicals as a kid, burn pits in the Air Force, smoking tobacco/cannabis, alcohol, kratom), childhood and adult trauma, and years of poor […]
Read More2025, the year I will discover my baseline
2025 will be the year that I discover my mental health baseline. I get to finally find the answer to some important questions about myself: For all but the first 13 days of this year I have been sober from alcohol and it has been challenging, especially at first. I didn’t just quit drinking alcohol, I also quit doing things that lead me to drinking, like partying. I learned a few months ago that in 2022/2023, I had been to the Wild Buffalo over 94 times (thank you Google Timeline). Each time I was good for 4-5 drinks. 60ish gallons of booze. Half a gallon a week. That’s on top of visiting 2-3 breweries a week. I was doing this dance with a known depressant and carcinogenic substance (alcohol) while fighting depression, bipolar disorder, and complex PTSD. I was mixing it with my psychiatric medications. It was a bad combination […]
Read MoreI made it 7 days, 23 hours and ten minutes without smoking weed
I made it 7 days, 23 hours and ten minutes without smoking weed. Last night got the best of me and I succumbed to it. Anxiety was high, and a few minutes later so was I. Unfortunately my body and brain didn’t like it. At all. My anxiety increased, my pulse was in the low 100s, and I felt miserable in my own body and high at the same time. It was extremely uncomfortable for a few hours. A flashback to last Tuesday when I was in the peak of withdrawal from cannabis. Another bad taste of Marijuana left in my mouth. This isn’t my first setback/relapse with things I am addicted to. I wasn’t proud. I felt some shame and my most important part “Cowboy” gently nudged me and told me it was OK and he knew that I am trying my best with the resources I have. Shame […]
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