Moving forward, this is how I am forever choosing to live and operate.
I don’t care if you don’t like it.
This is my life.
1.
NO MORE NEGOTIATING AND SETTLING
Moving forward:
I don’t negotiate with addiction.
I don’t bargain with poison.
I don’t romanticize what destroys me.
I don’t stay where I’m not safe.
I don’t stay where I’m not respected.
I don’t stay where I’m not valued.
I don’t stay in bad jobs.
I don’t stay in unhealthy relationships.
I don’t stay in situations I’ve outgrown.
I don’t keep access open to people who harm me.
I don’t keep ties to what I already know is wrong for me.
I don’t keep the door cracked for chaos.
I don’t betray myself to avoid discomfort.
I don’t abandon myself to avoid being alone.
I don’t perform to be loved.
I don’t repeat patterns I’ve already paid for.
I don’t ignore lessons life already taught me.
I don’t make excuses for decisions that violated my ethics.
I don’t go back to what I survived.
I don’t return to what cost me my peace.
I don’t rebuild what I burned down for my sanity.
I don’t explain myself to people who’ve already decided.
I don’t shrink so other people feel comfortable with my growth.
I don’t grant access to prove I’m not afraid.
I don’t keep quiet when my gut already knows.
I don’t let being watched and followed make me small and afraid.
2.
NO MORE GOD DAMNED SUBSTANCE USE
I have been completely sober since and stopped using cannabis on January 6, 2026 after 15 years of using.
I stopped using Kava on November 14, 2025 after 1.5 years of using.
I stopped using kratom on October 12, 2024 after three years of using.
I stopped using hallucinogens on September 5, 2024 after 2.5 years of using.
I stopped smoking cigarettes on January 16, 2024 after 22 years of using.
I stopped using alcohol on January 13, 2024 after 23 years of using.
I used inhalants for the last time on February 8, 2023 after 21 years of intermittent using.
I used ketamine for the first and last time on February 8, 2023.
Every single one of these substances was originally given to me by someone already addicted to and/or abusing them. They weren’t ever my original idea or desire.
Most were pushed onto me by romantic partners.
Moving forward:
Alcohol, kratom, hallucinogens, inhalants, psychoactive plants, and other intoxicants no longer even tempt me.
Not during heartbreak or love.
Not during loneliness or despair.
Not during chaos or crisis.
Not during pain or depression.
Not during grief and loss.
And not even during moments of celebration, fun, socialization, happiness, and joy.
Not “maybe.” Not “sometimes.” Not “with moderation.” Not for “fun.” Not for “creativity and insight.”
And no substance in the future will ever join these, regardless of who hands them to me, what they are, or if anyone tries to pressure me into joining their substance addiction and abuse problems.
I’m not trading alcohol for laughs and liquid courage.
I’m not trading kratom for euphoria and pain relief .
I’m not trading hallucinogens for supposed enlightenment.
I’m not trading weed for escape and nervous system regulation.
I’m simply not trading any kind of high or intoxication for avoiding my feelings and present experiences—or for altering, enhancing, and/or filtering other experiences.
These substances are now repulsive and unpalatable. They don’t call my name or seduce me.
They don’t live in my future. They have died in my past.
My sobriety is mine. Mine to maintain. Mine to protect.
Nobody can take it. Nothing can steal it. No event in my life can force a relapse. Ever.
I’m sober because I was finally ready.
And because I’m ready, it’s final.
No drama. No relapse mythology. Just fucking done with it.
A door closing and locking behind me. For good.
And as an added bonus: my sobriety guarantees me no more heavily-intoxicated, embarassing, dangerous, traumatizing, relationship-destroying, mental health emergencies requiring forced sedation and legal, involuntary, commitment in a psychiatric facility.
Two years have passed without one of these God awful events.
I quit drinking two years ago.
Coicidence? I think not.
3.
NO MORE EMOTIONAL INTOXICATION.
Moving forward:
I’m not just sober from chemicals.
I’m getting sober from anything that hijacks my nervous system.
That includes love, affection, intimacy, and attention. I’m detoxing from years of it. I’m becoming emotionally sober.
I don’t chase love and romance.
I don’t chase intimacy.
I don’t chase romantic touch and affection.
I don’t chase approval, validation, and acknowlegment.
I don’t chase people who are not trustworthy.
I don’t chase unpredictable and unstable people.
I don’t build my identity around being wanted.
I don’t build my self-worth around being chosen.
I don’t build intimacy to quiet my traumas.
I choose slow.
I choose earned trust.
I choose actions over words.
I choose consistency over fireworks.
I’m not available for emotional intoxication.
I’m not available for attachment that turns me into a different person.
I’m not available to people who violate my safety and boundaries.
I don’t confuse intensity with intimacy.
I don’t confuse access with love.
I don’t confuse chemistry with compatibility.
I reject instant love and rapid intimacy.
I reject high-pressure romance.
I reject high-risk sexual demands, unprotected sexual activities with untrusted/new/untested partners, and other unsafe sexual behaviors.
I am a slow burner these days. Sometimes too slow for some people. I’m okay with that.
It’s not my problem if they can’t respect my pace.
If someone tries to seduce me with charm, flirts, touch, affection, attention, big promises, commonalities, sex, validation, money, status, drugs, alcohol, lies, or whatever “delight” they dish up:
I don’t melt.
I don’t get hooked.
I don’t surrender for a quick dopamine and oxytocin hit and fuck on the first date—sorry to all of you sexually aggressive people out there.
These types of seduction aren’t slow romance, true love, or genuine safe intimacy. They are insecure attachment and manipulative. That’s them also pushing a drug.
Their drug of choice.
Another fucking drug I don’t need in or controlling my life anymore.
4.
NO MORE UNSAFE BEHAVIORS
Moving forward:
I choose safe behaviors. Always.
Not “usually.”
Not “when I’m in a good mood.”
Not “unless I’m lonely.”
Always.
I choose safe behavior when I’m anxious or mentally unwell.
I choose safe behavior when I’m triggered or angry.
I choose safe behavior when I’m emotional or having big feelings.
I choose safe behavior when I’m jonesin for dopamine.
I choose safe behavior when my hormones are raging or I’m crushing on someone.
I choose safe behavior when I’m grieving and missing people.
I choose safe behavior when I’m having fun or celebrating.
I don’t react to impulses, compulsions, cravings, and urges.
I respond intelligently, safely, in integrity and in full control of myself.
I don’t act mindlessly.
I don’t do risky.
I pause and delay the response.
I don’t do self-sabotage in disguise.
5.
NO MORE AVOIDING ACCOUNTABILITY AND VIOLATING THE LAW
Moving forward:
I own my history and I refuse to repeat my mistakes and patterns.
I am accountable for every decision I have ever made by doing so.
I don’t dodge my wrongdoings. I don’t rationalize them. I don’t rewrite the story to protect my ego. I don’t craft narratives to dismiss them or deflect them.
I own my decisions and mistakes completely. Even if or when I didn’t know any better.
Not just the outcomes, the actual choices. No excuses. No dancing around them. No explaining them away. No dismissing or downplaying them.
I am accountable for the ways my decisions have harmed or hurt others, even in ways I may never know or understand, by making and demonstrating amends by never repeating my mistakes and patterns again. I own them entirely. I’m completely accountable.
Some damage is invisible. Some consequences never make it back to me.
That doesn’t mean these things didn’t happen.
Accountability and ownership isn’t a speech. It’s a lifestyle. It’s demonstrated, different, and positive actions.
It’s living in integrity. It’s what I do when nobody’s watching.
It’s how I live. It’s how I move forward. It’s how I choose and decide what I do in each moment and situation.
I am continuously demonstrating ownership and accountability the only way that matters:
By never repeating my patterns and mistakes.
Not once. Not again. Not ever.
I don’t put myself in unsafe situations.
I remove myself before things escalate or become dangerous.
I ask for and choose space, mentally and physically.
I give space when people ask for it.
I choose to live alone and maintain my sanctuary.
I choose calm and peace.
I choose boundaries.
I choose solutions that don’t destroy lives or harm anyone.
I live in accordance with the actual law.
I have an undeniable conviction from my past. It had concrete evidence. I plead guilty, because I was. I did my house arrest. I completed my probation and domestic violence perpetrator treatment, impeccably. I paid my fines. I didn’t reoffend.
That was then.
This is now.
Now I live differently.
Now I choose accountability.
Now I choose restraint.
Now I choose integrity.
No new crimes.
No repeated harm.
No new acts of domestic violence.
No more violent rages and emotional abuse.
No excuses. No minimization.
No saying “I was provoked.” or “They were being equally abusive.” or “I was intoxicated.” or “It was only a text.” or “It was a bipolar episode.” or “I wasn’t able to control myself.”
That’s all bullshit. It’s denying chosen actions.
6.
NO MORE LIVING IN OLD PATTERNS
Moving forward:
I’m eliminating patterns and behaviors that have harmed me and others for all of my life:
- I am eliminating my avoidance.
- I am eliminating my poor communication.
- I am eliminating my performative personas.
- I am eliminating my lack of boundaries.
- I am eliminating my anxious attachment issues.
- I am eliminating my insecurities.
- I am eliminating my fear of abandonment.
- I am eliminating my fear of rejection.
- I am eliminating my fear of loss of love.
- I am eliminating my other relationship fears.
- I am eliminating my trauma responses.
- I am eliminating rebound relationships.
- I am eliminating my self-hatred.
- I am eliminating my deep internal shame.
- I am eliminating my mental poisons.
- I am eliminating my poor mental health management.
- I am eliminating my substance and alcohol use.
- I am eliminating blame shifting, dodging accountability, and denying ownership of harms I have caused others, and making amends where possible.
- I am eliminating not acting in integrity or honesty with myself and others.
I am done living in my patterns, avoiding my problems, and running from my struggles. It has destroyed me, people I love and people who loved me, over and over again.
I am ending all of these patterns and behaviors for good, forever, and starting immediately.
I don’t care how much effort it takes or what I have to do to change, it is completely worth not breaking hearts and having my heart broken again from this dysfunction.
7.
NO MORE PERFORMING FOR OTHERS
Moving forward:
I no longer perform.
I am no longer living in a persona to please people.
I am no longer auditioning for love.
I am no longer being whatever someone wants me to be to avoid abandonment or rejection.
I don’t perform to avoid loss of love.
I don’t perform to avoid being alone.
If being fully myself makes someone bounce, then they were never my person. I won’t take it personal.
I no longer keep silent about problems.
I speak.
I communicate.
I ask for what I want.
I name my needs.
I set expectations.
I establish boundaries and keep them.
8.
NO MORE GRANTING EVERYONE ACCESS TO ME
Moving forward:
Access is denied to people who love me with conditions.
Access is denied to people who don’t accept me as I am in this moment.
Access is denied to people who expect me to be always be perfect.
Access is denied to people who continually demand more from me.
Access is denied to people who treat me like I am not enough.
Access is denied to people who minimize or interfere with my progress.
Access is denied to people who do not respect consent and safe behaviors.
Access is denied to people who try to compromise my sobriety and to people who abuse* drugs and alcohol in front of me like my recovery is a joke.
Access is denied to people who offer me sips and tastes of their drinks when I am fucking dry.
I don’t care if you drink/use in front of me, unless it’s in an abusive way, then access is denied.
*Drug and alcohol abuse is a pattern of compulsive use marked by recurrent significant social, occupational, health, legal, or interpersonal adverse consequences. It’s not about partaking in a moderated and safe way.
Access is denied to people who expect me to pay for or use me to enable their drug and/or alcohol habits.
Access is denied to people who repeatedly and knowingly harm themselves and our connections with their abusive drug/alcohol use and intentionally, knowingly, and/or willfully disregard the consequences.
Access is denied to people who demand or request me to care for them in any aftermath that follows their alcohol and drug use.
Access is denied to people who say over and over, “I shouldn’t have drank/used last night” and continue drinking/using…and are in complete denial that they have a problem with alcohol/drugs.
Access is denied to people who use romance, affection, love, sex, attention, money, false promises, gaslighting, manipulation, other pressures, guilt, and/or shame as a method of controlling me or using me for their personal gain.
If you steal from me, access is denied.
If you endanger my sobriety, access is denied.
If you endanger my peace, access is denied.
If you disrespect my boundaries, access is denied.
If you don’t keep promises or commitments, access is denied.
If you take more than you give, access is denied.
If you don’t reciprocate my attention, affection, and love, access is denied.
If you require me to shrink, perform, tolerate, or self-abandon, access is denied.
If you do things to me without my consent or permission, access is denied.
If you emotionally or physically abuse me, access is denied.
Access is denied to people who won’t change their known harmful behaviors.
If these people were capable of recognizing and changing their known harmful patterns and behaviors, they would have already. Access is denied to my very limited amount of patience.
I’m done denying people’s true colors when they show them to me. I don’t care if they have been the most amazing person to me for years. If they suddenly become emotionally and physically unsafe, intentionally damage trust, or willfully violate boundaries, I am going to believe their current actions to be who they really are as a person—and deny their access.
People who become evil suddenly, and mask their real identities are also denied access.
People who repeatedly trigger me or engage in conversations or other activities with me that are harmful or uncomfortable are denied access.
Access is denied to people who haven’t earned it.
Access is denied to people who aren’t safe for or with me, for any reason.
Access is denied of my property, money, and other resources to people who steal, don’t repay, don’t return, or damage them without compensation.
Access is denied to people who expect me to rescue them financially or support them financially, for any reason or amount—they can pay their own bills and buy their own things.
Access is denied to people who have damaged my trust, at any level, even the very first time.
Access is denied of my empathy to people who knowingly and willfully repeat harmful behaviors with me, others, or themselves.
Access is denied to people who directly or indirectly seek information or knowledge about me that isn’t theirs to know.
Access is denied to people who can’t stay the fuck away when I have repeatedly asked for space and told them to keep their distance from me.
Access is denied to anyone who doesn’t demonstrate trust and care at all times with holding my heart.
Access to me is earned, not anyone’s right, not to be expected, and never guaranteed. If I ever feel any need to, I can and will promptly deny anyone’s access at anytime, for any reason I want to—even if you disapprove, disagree or throw a fit like a 2 year old.
9.
NO MORE MENTAL POISONS
Moving forward:
I’m also sober from my own personal mental poisons.
No more social media.
No more news.
No more politics.
No more advocacy and publicity.
No more micro-charities.
No more performative volunteering.
Those were my addictions too.
They poisoned my physical health.
They poisoned my mood and deteriorated my mentals.
They poisoned me with anxiety.
They poisoned me with intense stress.
They poisoned my attention and called it “being connected”, “finding love”, “being informed”, or “helping people.”
I don’t need likes, comments, stories, and reels to feel connected.
I don’t need outrage to feel alive.
I don’t need doom to feel smart.
I don’t need chaos to feel informed.
I don’t need a spotlight to feel worthy.
I don’t need to rescue to feel like a good person.
I protect my mind and body from my personal mental poisons like my life depends on it, because it does.
10.
NO MORE UNMANAGED MENTAL FUCKERY
I have a laundry list of mental health conditions, to include Bipolar 1 disorder.
I am batshit crazy with a doctor’s note to prove it. Plenty of people from my past and present would vehemently agree.
Sometimes my mental health takes over my life, regardless of how well I manage it.
I call all of this mental fuckery.
Moving forward:
I will continue to handle my psychiatric shit like a grown ass adult.
Because I am one.
I don’t like the challenges one bit—I accept them and fucking hate them.
They are always my responsibility to manage, regardless.
I am committed to positive choices regarding my mental health:
- I manage my addictive urges and maintain sobriety from alcohol and all other mind altering substances.
- I take my maintenance meds and supplements, and adjust them when necessary, and always with professional guidance.
- I ask for help anytime I’m struggling.
- I keep a current safety plan and I use it.
- I stay honest with my providers, especially when things began to deteriorate.
- I regularly go to therapy and do the challenging work required.
- I continually research and educate myself about my conditions.
- I protect my sleep like it’s sacred.
- I listen to, befriend, and reparent my Internal Family System of parts.
- If I need psychiatric hospitalization, I check myself in—no ego, no delay.
- I don’t burden my loved ones or friends with managing my mentals or handling any of my crises of/when they occur.
- I track my patterns so bipolar (or any of my conditions) don’t get to drive the bus.
I’m not dysregulating anymore, I’m self-regulating.
I’m not out here spiraling anymore, I’m stabilizing.
I can be asymptomatic, regulated, grounded, and still say no with my whole chest when I need to. I will say no with a loud enough voice to ensure attention and to be taken seriously. It doesn’t mean I am “manic” or whatever therapy-speak they want to use.
You see, I am so fucking tired of and I’m no longer tolerating armchair-therapists who weaponize my mental health diagnoses against me.
If an unqualified or uncredentialed person, aka armchair-therapist, like a bus driver, mechanic, barista, friend, foe, partner, family member, or who-fucking-ever tries to pathologize my growth as “mental whatever” or “mania”, tells others their diagnosis of me, or even goes to the extremes of using AI to analyze and pathologize me, all to avoid their own damned accountability, that’s their coping mechanism, it’s really destructive and hurtful, and it’s not my truth, experience, or reality. Period.
I won’t allow armchair-therapists to paint me in an incorrect light, using my mental health conditions or psychology/therapy/clinical-speak, when they disagree with me or for any other reason.
Me setting boundaries, speaking my truth, ending performances, aborting rescue missions, cutting off unhealthy relationships, ending patterns, stating problems, and refusing chaos isn’t “mental whatever” or “manic bullshit,” it’s self-respect and recovery.
Asserting authority, claiming authority, or pathogizing my mental health experience outside of your scope of practice, if you even have one, is highly unethical, often illegal, dangerous, and very harmful.
And fuck any of these people for trying this shit with me. Twice.
Talk to your therapist about that.
11.
NO MORE KEEPING SHITTY CONNECTIONS
Moving forward:
I am cleaning my social and mental house, not out of anger, but out of self-respect.
I am eliminating everything that doesn’t match the life I’m building:
• Addictions, impulsiveness, and compulsions
• Dishonesty and untrustworthiness
• Chaos, drama, constant problems, and instability
• Rapidly intensifying love and intimacy
• Emotionally unsafe and triggering people
• Manipulation and gaslighting
• Conditional love and acceptance
• Rescuing, people pleasing, codependency, and performing
• Avoidance, silence, and poor-communication
• Mentally erosive environments
I am building a quiet life.
A clean life.
A stable life.
A peaceful life.
And I’m already feeling it:
- My life is calmer, happier, more joyful.
- I feel much less anxiety, stress, and difficult emotions.
- I am less triggered, dysregulated, and impulsively reactive.
- I am sleeping better and feeling more energized.
- I’m experiencing great improvements in my physical health
Cleaning house has meant purposely taking a sharp axe to my social circle. I’m still chopping away.
My close connections have shrank dramatically, almost down to nothing.
It’s not a bad thing. It’s necessary.
It’s not isolation, it’s protection.
It’s honoring myself.
It’s guarding my emotional safety and freedom.
My old friends group wasn’t real community. It was old conditioning, and was comfortably familiar, despite being chaotic, unhealthy, and very triggering.
My previous friends were always trying to drag me back to into their harmful patterns, drama, addictions, a plethora of never ending problems, a continuous lack of resources and supports, negativity, and unaddressed traumas.
These former connections only seemed to want a friend who supported them relentlessly, rescued them, and also enabled their bullshit to continue.
Buh bye folks. Adios amigos.
You see, it’s better to have a lonely heart than a repeatedly broken and bruised one.
Now I’m attracting the right people. People who are emotionally safe, and love me as I am, as an imperfect and flawed homosapien.
Once I made space by ending connections with the old, broken community—healthy and safe people started appearing in my life one-by-one—a new unconditionally loving community is forming right in front of my eyes.
This new community is rock solid.
No drama. No chaos. No judgments.
Complete acceptance of me.
Unconditional love and boundaried support.
No pressure to escalate our relationships into anything they are not.
We are meeting eachother where we are.
I don’t hurt them. They don’t hurt me.
Mutual consent and respect, always.
Everything is incredibly safe.
This new social circle is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.
They truly and deeply love and accept me as who I am in this moment.
And the more I heal, the more repulsive the old one becomes.
It’s absolutely disgusting now.
12.
NO MORE DENYING MY FORMER IDENTITY
Here’s the truth:
I had a gruesome and slow identity death last year. Not symbolic. Not poetic. Real. The 42 year old toxic shadow stealthily emerged, and I eventually could no longer ignore it. Like a real shadow, it was attached to my feet.
The previous version of me that avoided, performed, negotiated, rescued, tolerated chaos, didn’t communicate, lived in patterns and went to extreme measures to be wanted and loved died because I killed it.
I watched it die in my own hands with my own eyes. I am still grieving it. This former identity began when I was a little kid, and continued until recently. We were best friends for life. Until we weren’t.
I have also made peace with the former persona. Because that identity wasn’t actually me, it was survival. It was childhood and societal conditioning. It was a protective coping mechanism. It was my traumas wearing a costume that I simply couldn’t wear anymore. It was developed from deep parental wounding.
Ego death is violent. It strips you of the stories you used to hide behind. It takes away all of your excuses. It destroys the fantasy that you can keep your old patterns and still build a new life.
Ego death forces you to become someone else, not a “better me” for approval… but the real me for the first time. The real me isn’t popular at all with the people who loved my former identity.
The person I am now is something I am continually discovering, because the old me is all I have ever known and been.
When your ego dies, you enter a void where you don’t know who you are anymore. You realize you were absolutely nothing without the all the performances and personas you lived in.
Yes, absolutley nothing.
Despite you being absolutely nothing, there are several things you actually have left when your previous identity dies:
Truth. Alignment. Freedom. Autonomy. Agency. Calmness. Curiosity. Clarity. Compassion. Confidence. Courage. Creativity. Connectedness. Love.
These things make you whole. While being absolutely nothing. It’s a true dialectical reality.
Moving forward:
I’m rebuilding who I am with intention, standards, boundaries, safe behaviors, and integrity.
I’m not trying to impress anybody. I’m not trying to be chosen. I’m not trying to be liked. I’m not trying to be loved. I’m not trying to be attractive.
I’m simply becoming undeniable to myself.
I am not fragile.
I am not weak.
I am not “in recovery” like I’m broken.
I’m rebuilding. I’m evolving and growing.
I’m formatting my identity and reinstalling a brand new, untested operating system.
I’m doing gruesome, exhausting, and difficult internal work.
I’m “leveling up” in this video game of life.
I don’t die from hard years.
I don’t fold from heartbreak.
I don’t drink and use drugs over pain and loneliness.
I don’t perform my way into feeling loved.
I don’t let attention become my oxygen.
I don’t run and hide.
I adapt.
I learn.
I become unstoppable.
I’m truly fucking unkillable. I keep crawling back from disasters alive, and stronger.
It’s what I call “cockroach energy.”
I am moving my life ahead:
- With high standards.
- With complete sobriety from all drugs and alcohol.
- With appropriate boundaries.
- With safe behaviors.
- With absolute accountability.
- With strict discipline.
- With total self-respect.
- With unending gratitude.
- With beautiful imperfections.
- With complete grace.
- With a better future.
- Without any of my old harmful patterns.
I am improving humanity every day by healing myself and not repeating my destructive patterns—my decisions today ripple out into the world, immediately.
I’m not being selfish, heartless, and crude.
I’m finally being healthy and real.
I am loving myself with grace exactly as I am in this present moment, with my flaws and imperfections.
I’m finally demonstrating trust to myself through self-love, self-respect, and self-protection.
13.
NO MORE BEING UNGRATEFUL AND LOVING WITHOUT BOUNDARIES
Moving forward and as always:
I am grateful for those who have loved me in the past, those who I have loved, and for those who love me as I am in this moment today.
I am grateful for the real, beautiful moments, and the amazing adventures that I have shared with people throughout in my life, even if these people are no longer journeying with me.
I am taking control of and improving my life every day, feeling gratitude for everything, even in the hardest moments.
I have never-ending gratitude for the events of the past that are shaping my life today, even the most painful and hurtful ones.
I love people unconditionally, even though I may refuse access. Some people I love close. Some I love from a distance. And some I love best with no-contact, ever again.
I will always love you, just as you are, whoever you are. I will always want the best for you and love you, no matter what you have done to me, how you have treated me, or what’s happened between us.
I feel joy when you experience joy. I feel love when you experience love. I feel happiness when you experience happiness. I feel pain when you feel pain. I live with compersion, compassion, respect, and empathy for everyone.
14.
NO MORE TEMPORARY GLOW-UPS
This isn’t a phase.
This isn’t a temporary glow-up.
This isn’t me “trying to do better.”
This isn’t some kind of manic miracle revelation.
This is permanent and real.
Moving forward:
I am not asking to be understood or acknowledged.
I am not asking for approval and acceptance.
I am not asking for consent or permission.
I am not asking for you to agree or endorse.
I am not asking for you to like or love me.
I’m not here to be palatable.
I’m here to be aligned.
I’m here to be safe.
I’m here to be sober.
I’m here to be accountable.
Me changing my life is nothing personal. It’s what I need to do for me.
If anything in this manifesto feels personal, it’s not AND what you are seeing in me is simply what you are seeing in yourself.
Talk to your therapist about that.
15.
TL:DR
Moving forward:
Every word in my manifesto is my truth and reality.
I’m ethically advancing my life toward the way I want it and need it to be.
I am sober and never going back to using any drugs or alcohol.
I’m owning my shit.
I’m making amends by being demonstrating accountability for the harms I have caused by not repeating my old harmful patterns.
I am protecting myself from harm.
I am treating myself with love and compassion, the same way I treat others.
I’m honoring and preserving who I am at the core.
I’m unkillable and tenaciously alive.
I’m unstoppable in my pursuit of life, freedom, health, and happiness.
16.
My Legal Chosen Name
Moving forward:
I am and my legal name is Tukayote Helianthus.
I created and chose my own name with intention and love in 2023.
It is pronounced “Two-ky-oh-tee He-lee-ann-thuhs” not “Tuck-ah-yoh-tay” or anything like that.
If that’s Tu difficult, you can call me “Tu” for short. And nothing else.
My name is no longer Matthew Seann Gustke, for a very personal reason.
The meaning of my name is also very personal.
Please be respectful and don’t ask why.
Please stop calling me Matt/Matthew/Gustke.
I hate being called that.
I don’t call you names that you are not. It’s really quite simple.
I deny access to anyone who deadnames me, so don’t be a dick about this.
Thanks for understanding and cooperating.
17.
THE END
Moving Forward:
You survived. This is how I am choosing to live my life, what I will and won’t tolerate, and how I am finally discovering who I am beneath the patterns and behaviors I am forever leaving behind.
This is my life now, not yours. Sorry, not sorry.
First place goes to 🖕