Post Tagged with: "cannabis"
2025, the year I will discover my baseline
2025 will be the year that I discover my mental health baseline. I get to finally find the answer to some important questions about myself: For all but the first 13 days of this year I have been sober from alcohol and it has been challenging, especially at first. I didn’t just quit drinking alcohol, I also quit doing things that lead me to drinking, like partying. I learned a few months ago that in 2022/2023, I had been to the Wild Buffalo over 94 times (thank you Google Timeline). Each time I was good for 4-5 drinks. 60ish gallons of booze. Half a gallon a week. That’s on top of visiting 2-3 breweries a week. I was doing this dance with a known depressant and carcinogenic substance (alcohol) while fighting depression, bipolar disorder, and complex PTSD. I was mixing it with my psychiatric medications. It was a bad combination […]
Read MoreA day of anxiety waves and cravings
A day of anxiety waves and cravings. Alot of parts involved. Had some boundaries violated recently and I had to stand my ground. That is so much easier said than done. Parts were afraid, anxious, on edge, restless, you know…kinda like last Tuesday. But much lower. Decided to “walk the war out of my system”. Moving 2560 pounds of water earlier wasn’t enough already. Broke a new mile record walking tonight of 14:06 or 4.26mph. I pushed painfully hard tonight. It’s what my body was craving. Also know as an escape from anxiety. That’s what is behind every single craving I have ever had. An anxiety/fear part that my dear part Roxy fiercely protects (with addictive behaviors). Problem is. Roxy is dopamine girl. Roxy is worn out. She tired of “needing” dopamine hits to get by. She is an important part of me. And part of my 2025 goals is […]
Read MoreHere I am tonight.
Well here I am tonight. Hopefully not for long. I have debated sharing this because it is a bit embarrassing and deeply personal. But I also hate stigma around mental and substance challenges — I share it all so others struggling may have a voice. I see you! Anxiety got the best of me today and I called a nurse line and they told me to go to the VA hospital. By the time I arrived, the walkin mental health clinic was closed so the next option was the ER. Remaining transparent, this anxiety has been around for years and years. Since childhood. I have used many addictions to numb it and make it manageable. And at the end of the day, anxiety will always find a way back. Cannabis was one of the best reliefs I had from anxiety until I stopped smoking it on Sunday night to prepare […]
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