2025 will be the year that I discover my mental health baseline. I get to finally find the answer to some important questions about myself:
- Who am I without substances and addictive behaviors?
- What does my mental health health look like without alcohol, cannabis, kratom, nicotine, and even caffeine?
- What does my mental health look like if I am not constantly seeking the next dopamine hit?
- Who is my IFS part Roxy and what will her role and life be without me relying on her to avoid fear?
- Why am I consumed with so much fear all the time?
- Where does this fear come from? Is it even mine to carry or is it ancestral?
- Can I live in today’s world without fear and a steady stream of dopamine?
- How will I cope with my feelings without numbing them with my addictions?
- Can I survive life without feeding these addictions?
- What will I lose when I give up cannabis, nicotine, and caffeine? What will I gain?
- What can I replace my addictions with that won’t become a new addiction?
For all but the first 13 days of this year I have been sober from alcohol and it has been challenging, especially at first. I didn’t just quit drinking alcohol, I also quit doing things that lead me to drinking, like partying. I learned a few months ago that in 2022/2023, I had been to the Wild Buffalo over 94 times (thank you Google Timeline). Each time I was good for 4-5 drinks. 60ish gallons of booze. Half a gallon a week. That’s on top of visiting 2-3 breweries a week.
I was doing this dance with a known depressant and carcinogenic substance (alcohol) while fighting depression, bipolar disorder, and complex PTSD. I was mixing it with my psychiatric medications. It was a bad combination and it caught up to me in late 2023 when I had a nervous breakdown. This breakdown ruined a special relationship and most notably, deeply hurt my soul. I had hit rock bottom yet again and the booze didn’t make it any better.
So I quit drinking. It’s just too risky. It killed my father. It kills 178,000 people a year in our country. I was going to be it’s next victim eventually. Further, There are no health benefits from any amount of alcohol*. The negative mental health impacts were demonstrated to me many times before I finally put down the bottle. So far this year I have avoided 138000 calories and my physical health continues to improve. *https://www.who.int/europe/news-room/04-01-2023-no-level-of-alcohol-consumption-is-safe-for-our-health
Back to 2025, I am going to learn all I can about my brain and the impacts addiction has had on it. I am going to deep dive into the negative impacts of cannabis, nicotine, and caffeine, especially on the brain. My brain scans are going to bring me a wealth of information.
This is my mental health and addiction recovery process. It’s not just about sobriety, but looking inward for answers to the questions I have. It’s about learning everything I can about my brain and mental health, and using it to become my very best.
Do you struggle with addictive things? Do you want to begin your recovery journey? Do you need support? Please reach out. I see you and I love you so much more than your addictions. There is a better way to go through life. Let’s join together and find community in our recovery journey!