“I want to heal my inner child and I can start taking small steps every day. I know of people who have done the work to heal trauma, so it can be possible for me too. I can learn and heal as I figure things out in this new journey. I release my need for perfection and replace it with love and compassion for myself.” – Tukayote, December 2022.
Five months later, I am rewording it to “I am firmly on the path of healing my inner child and I continue taking small steps every day to become more secure in myself, and my attachment to others. I know many people doing this work to heal their trauma, and it inspires me to continue doing the same thing for myself. I am learning so much, and healing so many things in this journey. I continue to release my need for perfection in myself and with others, and replace it with unconditional love for myself and those around me. I release my expectations of others and realize that there is nothing outside of myself that I can truly control.“
It is fun to go back and look at where I was then and where I am today. I drafted an e-mail to a former partner this afternoon, one who I have had problems with for over a year, and who I had to sever the relationship with a few months ago. Then I deleted it. Without sending it. Something I couldn’t even think of being able to do five months ago, and something I couldn’t do three days ago when I hit send on the message I impulsively typed out in response to this person trying to interfere with my life again. I was giving them power and control over my emotions by engaging with them, yet again. And today, just three days later, after deep reflection and a 12 mile walk last night, I processed (yet more) emotions and came to new conclusions. I don’t owe them shit. And there is nothing I can say that will get through to them and make them understand the hurt, pain, and damage I feel from them. I can’t control their feelings or emotions. I can’t make them understand things the way that I do.
There truly is nothing outside of myself that I can control. I can’t control this person who continues down a destructive path and tries to pull me in. I can’t control their desire to control me. I can only control my choices, especially how I respond to what they are doing. And no response, is a SOLID response.
Sometime, also about 5 months ago, I sat down and listed all of the things I can control. Humans by nature like to feel like they are in control of something, and it was important for me to not feel powerless or helpless. So here is my list. I keep it on my phone, read it frequently, and when the inspiration hits, I add more to it. It keeps growing, but at the root of it all is one word: myself. I can only control myself. I can’t control other people (and what they do), the weather, random injuries, flat tires, or any of the millions of things life dishes out to us with little or no advanced warning. Just me. Only me.
Things I can control and have power over:
- My reactions to anything I face
- My emotions and how I respond to triggers
- My truth
- My commitments to myself and others
- My time and how I spend it
- My body and what I do with it
- My mental/physical/emotional/sexual health
- My schedule and how I fill it
- My diet
- My substance, nicotine, and alcohol use
- My money
- My choice of friends and relationships
- My sexuality
- My love and who/how I share it with others
- My gifts and acts of service
- My communication
- My volunteerism
- My employment
Things I can’t control and have no power over:
- Literally everything else
So, take a few minutes to write down what you have control over and the things you don’t (and probably wish) you had control over. Then examine the things you don’t have control over, especially the ones that are causing you turmoil, emotions, and wasted energy. Stop trying to control them and give the control and power back to what you can control, yourself. Release expectations of others and yourself; they only serve to disappoint you in the long run. Turn to love and compassion for yourself and the healing journey you are on. And share that love and compassion with everyone and everything in your world (even your enemies).
Have a lovely day my friends and followers. I love all of you and hope this helps you take control of yourself and release your need to control anything that you simply cannot (which is almost everything, except you).
<3 Tukayote <3