IFS

Post Tagged with: "IFS"

What the f*ck is IFS (Internal Family Systems) and why should you care?

by Tukayote Helianthus 2025-10-18 in Addiction, Mental Health, Recovery and Healing

I have written a few things about IFS and shared a few stories on Facebook and Insta. And by few, I mean probably hundreds over the course of a few years. I have a tendency to not shut up when I discover something that is truly lifechanging. I found a new thing. Well, not new, because parts work (like IFS) has been done in many fashions over the course of history. IFS parts work has shown me how to unwire the unhelpful/unneeded/unnecessary trauma-born responses to triggers, and keep myself regulated and in control of my emotions/feelings. IFS parts work has helped me stop drinking alcohol and walk away from Kratom. IFS parts work has helped me calm down and transform my anger into something that helps me instead of hurting everone. What the f*ck is IFS (Internal Family Systems) and why should you care? I’m not going to answer that […]

TL:DR – Love your parts.

by Tukayote Helianthus 2025-10-10 in Addiction, Mental Health, Recovery and Healing

per·ma·nence /ˈpərm(ə)nən(t)s/ noun The state of lasting or remaining unchanged indefinitely. The Serenity Prayer, an important part of 12 step programs, says, “ God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.” This past week, I hit a wall with my parts. They were polarized. One part wanted acceptance and the other part wanted to reject reality. Of what? For me, it isn’t accepting things I can change. I have mastered asking myself that question. It is the bigger question, have I accepted things I cannot change? Or am I believing a big myth that (insert thing here) will get better? Am I staring at a long downward trend, convincing myself it’ll turn around any day now? Metaphorically speaking, am I watching a very hungry cougar stalk me on the trail and believing that […]

Acceptance. And Uncertainty.

by Tukayote Helianthus 2025-09-11 in Homelessness, Photography, Recovery and Healing

Psychological acceptance means embracing thoughts, emotions, and inner experiences without judgment and without trying to change them. In an Internal Family Systems session today, I got a heavy dose of reality. So much of what bothers me comes from my denial, my judgments, my black-and-white thinking, and my constant attempts to change things I don’t like. I have protector parts that guard me from facing these unwanted things. Instead of listening to them or building a relationship, I’ve been denying their existence or blaming them for my struggles. On Monday, I finally accepted something hard: healing my childhood trauma is my responsibility. My anger toward my parents wasn’t helping me heal, it was keeping me stuck. I chose to accept their role in raising me, to stop judging them, and to stop trying to change the past. I can’t rewrite history. I can only accept it, focus on the present, […]

“Holy shit, your hair is thinning…”

by Tukayote Helianthus 2025-08-31 in Addiction, Mental Health, Recovery and Healing

That’s what she said. Not a stranger. Not a bully. Jessica. She lives in my head. If you’ve never had an unexpected roast session from your own reflection, try this: Stand in front of a mirror. Or take a selfie. Stare at it for just a beat longer than usual. Then listen. Who shows up? For me, it’s Jessica. She’s the voice in my head who thinks she’s helping by pointing out everything that might be “wrong.” She’s sharp. Sarcastic. Sounds like she’s in her early 20s and just finished a Communications degree with a minor in Passive Aggression. In IFS (Internal Family Systems), we’d call her a “part”, a protector. But I call her Jessica. It just… fits. For a long time, Jessica was exhausting. She commented on everything: My body. My choices. My relationships. My awkwardness. My posture. My grocery cart. She was relentless. So I did what […]

2025, the year I will discover my baseline

by Tukayote Helianthus 2024-12-25 in Recovery and Healing

2025 will be the year that I discover my mental health baseline. I get to finally find the answer to some important questions about myself: For all but the first 13 days of this year I have been sober from alcohol and it has been challenging, especially at first. I didn’t just quit drinking alcohol, I also quit doing things that lead me to drinking, like partying. I learned a few months ago that in 2022/2023, I had been to the Wild Buffalo over 94 times (thank you Google Timeline). Each time I was good for 4-5 drinks. 60ish gallons of booze. Half a gallon a week. That’s on top of visiting 2-3 breweries a week. I was doing this dance with a known depressant and carcinogenic substance (alcohol) while fighting depression, bipolar disorder, and complex PTSD. I was mixing it with my psychiatric medications. It was a bad combination […]