Psychological acceptance means embracing thoughts, emotions, and inner experiences without judgment and without trying to change them. In an Internal Family Systems session today, I got a heavy dose of reality. So much of what bothers me comes from my denial, my judgments, my black-and-white thinking, and my constant attempts to change things I don’t like. I have protector parts that guard me from facing these unwanted things. Instead of listening to them or building a relationship, I’ve been denying their existence or blaming them for my struggles. On Monday, I finally accepted something hard: healing my childhood trauma is my responsibility. My anger toward my parents wasn’t helping me heal, it was keeping me stuck. I chose to accept their role in raising me, to stop judging them, and to stop trying to change the past. I can’t rewrite history. I can only accept it, focus on the present, […]
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“Holy shit, your hair is thinning…”
That’s what she said. Not a stranger. Not a bully. Jessica. She lives in my head. If you’ve never had an unexpected roast session from your own reflection, try this: Stand in front of a mirror. Or take a selfie. Stare at it for just a beat longer than usual. Then listen. Who shows up? For me, it’s Jessica. She’s the voice in my head who thinks she’s helping by pointing out everything that might be “wrong.” She’s sharp. Sarcastic. Sounds like she’s in her early 20s and just finished a Communications degree with a minor in Passive Aggression. In IFS (Internal Family Systems), we’d call her a “part”, a protector. But I call her Jessica. It just… fits. For a long time, Jessica was exhausting. She commented on everything: My body. My choices. My relationships. My awkwardness. My posture. My grocery cart. She was relentless. So I did what […]
Read More2025, the year I will discover my baseline
2025 will be the year that I discover my mental health baseline. I get to finally find the answer to some important questions about myself: For all but the first 13 days of this year I have been sober from alcohol and it has been challenging, especially at first. I didn’t just quit drinking alcohol, I also quit doing things that lead me to drinking, like partying. I learned a few months ago that in 2022/2023, I had been to the Wild Buffalo over 94 times (thank you Google Timeline). Each time I was good for 4-5 drinks. 60ish gallons of booze. Half a gallon a week. That’s on top of visiting 2-3 breweries a week. I was doing this dance with a known depressant and carcinogenic substance (alcohol) while fighting depression, bipolar disorder, and complex PTSD. I was mixing it with my psychiatric medications. It was a bad combination […]
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