Psychological acceptance means embracing thoughts, emotions, and inner experiences without judgment and without trying to change them.
In an Internal Family Systems session today, I got a heavy dose of reality. So much of what bothers me comes from my denial, my judgments, my black-and-white thinking, and my constant attempts to change things I don’t like. I have protector parts that guard me from facing these unwanted things. Instead of listening to them or building a relationship, I’ve been denying their existence or blaming them for my struggles.
On Monday, I finally accepted something hard: healing my childhood trauma is my responsibility. My anger toward my parents wasn’t helping me heal, it was keeping me stuck. I chose to accept their role in raising me, to stop judging them, and to stop trying to change the past. I can’t rewrite history. I can only accept it, focus on the present, and move forward in healing.
Walking home from IFS, I asked myself: what else am I not accepting? What am I ignoring, denying, or fighting with? What limiting beliefs or hidden fears are running the show?
Bipolar disorder. Medication changes. Diabetes. Back injury. Aging body. Mid-life. Certain people. Unemployment. The cost of living. The state of the world. The list goes on.
And there it was, in IFS language, a big “trailhead.” At the root of all of these things is one core issue: uncertainty. My fear of uncertainty might be the deepest part of it all.
Take bipolar disorder for example. Why do I struggle to accept a lifelong diagnosis of bipolar disorder? Because the illness is unpredictable. Even with perfect management, symptoms can flare. Accepting it means facing the fear of that uncertainty. Denying it means telling myself I’ll “get better” someday, but then kicking the can down the road until the next flare and the potential disaster that comes with it.
Diabetes. Been a year since I was diagnosed. Still denying it every day despite it lingering. The denial has helped me make important diet and physical changes, however, I need to accept the uncertainty of the disease and its permanence in my body. Denying it is stressful and exhausting.
I can explain more but you get the point. Uncertainty is written all over.
This fear of uncertainty part feels very young. Almost like a baby part. It has been there since early childhood, silent but powerful. It shows up in my body as tension and restlessness. Because uncertainty touches every stage of life, this part has kept me in fight-or-flight for most of my life. Denial has been its way of protecting me. But I can’t keep denying the reality of my struggles. I have to change what I can, and accept what I cannot. Shifting this denial will take time, but it’s necessary.
This “trailhead” baby like part…this wounded child. This exiled fear of uncertainty might be my biggest discovery this year. The question now is: can I learn to accept uncertainty, and with it, the things I cannot change? Each day, I’ll take one step closer to that goal.
Do you struggle with uncertainty? Let’s chat. Drop me a message. 