300 days ago, I broke up with my drug dealer. It wasn’t some shady guy in an alley — it was a plant in a shiny package. Kratom. Mitragyna speciosa. Marketed as “natural,” “safe,” even “healing.” I bought the lie. At first, it lifted my mood. Took the edge off the pain. Gave me energy. Then, without realizing it, I was owned. My brain’s opioid receptors were chained to it. I wasn’t just using kratom — kratom was using me. The withdrawals were savage. Anxiety that felt like my skin was on fire. Sleepless nights. My body shaking. My mind screaming for just one more dose. It was no different from opioid withdrawal. And yet… Facebook and Instagram still show me kratom ads. The industry still calls it “safe.” Still wraps addiction in a wellness label. Still tells desperate people like me it’s harmless. It’s not harmless. It’s not “just […]

Ever feel hijacked by your emotions? Like you know it’s not helpful, but you still do the thing anyway? Yeah. Me too. For me, it’s food—especially the kind that spikes my blood sugar. Tonight, after a rough day of unexpected neck pain, I gave in to a craving for tortilla chips. Just a handful… and then some. Now? My blood sugar’s going to be wrecked for a few days. This is what emotional urges do. They feel urgent. And sometimes, they win. But there’s a tool from Dialectical Behavior Therapy that I try to keep in my back pocket— Opposite Action. It’s simple. Not easy. But powerful. You do the opposite of what your emotion is telling you to do. Feel like isolating? Call someone. Anxious and want to avoid? Show up anyway. Craving junk food? Choose something that supports your health instead. Tonight, I didn’t use Opposite Action. And […]

One month ago, I (in my normal dance party fashion) Irish-goodbyed the IT sector—and my colleagues—following a profound realization that had been building for years. It all came to a head during a late Thursday afternoon phone call. In the span of five bizarre minutes, my integrity, ethics, and values were questioned. I was being unfairly judged. Again. The moment I hung up, I felt physically ill. I’ve spent decades working across industries, and I’ve put up with a lot. But I’m 41 now—physically and emotionally exhausted just trying to maintain my health. Continuing to tolerate conditions that undermine that effort? That’s for the birds. What finally clicked that day was this: I’m on a quest for emotional sobriety. And staying in the IT sector—especially with my previous employer—was threatening to destroy the progress I’ve made. It no longer mattered that the job paid well, had great benefits, incredible customers, […]

Pre-ink (stencil) vs 3 years later. The tattoo that nearly hospitalized and could’ve killed me. “YOLO” Well, at the time I was two weeks and roughly 3000 miles away from home on a 15kmi road trip and landed up in New Orleans, in a hotel a block away from Bourbon Street. I heard Bourbon Street was insane. And found it to be true. Within minutes of stepping onto that street, I had secured cigarettes, weed, and alcohol. And once I had a drink in my hand, was offered nearly every drug you could think of before I reached the end of the street. I just wanted to unwind with a joint and a “hand grenade” cocktail…these folks were doing hardcore shit. It was quickly overwhelming and I was dead tired from driving from Austin, TX so I called it a night. The next morning I got up, found beighnets and […]