Ever feel hijacked by your emotions? Like you know it’s not helpful, but you still do the thing anyway? Yeah. Me too. For me, it’s food—especially the kind that spikes my blood sugar. Tonight, after a rough day of unexpected neck pain, I gave in to a craving for tortilla chips. Just a handful… and then some. Now? My blood sugar’s going to be wrecked for a few days. This is what emotional urges do. They feel urgent. And sometimes, they win. But there’s a tool from Dialectical Behavior Therapy that I try to keep in my back pocket— Opposite Action. It’s simple. Not easy. But powerful. You do the opposite of what your emotion is telling you to do. Feel like isolating? Call someone. Anxious and want to avoid? Show up anyway. Craving junk food? Choose something that supports your health instead. Tonight, I didn’t use Opposite Action. And […]
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Exit 41: A Journey Toward Emotional Sobriety
One month ago, I (in my normal dance party fashion) Irish-goodbyed the IT sector—and my colleagues—following a profound realization that had been building for years. It all came to a head during a late Thursday afternoon phone call. In the span of five bizarre minutes, my integrity, ethics, and values were questioned. I was being unfairly judged. Again. The moment I hung up, I felt physically ill. I’ve spent decades working across industries, and I’ve put up with a lot. But I’m 41 now—physically and emotionally exhausted just trying to maintain my health. Continuing to tolerate conditions that undermine that effort? That’s for the birds. What finally clicked that day was this: I’m on a quest for emotional sobriety. And staying in the IT sector—especially with my previous employer—was threatening to destroy the progress I’ve made. It no longer mattered that the job paid well, had great benefits, incredible customers, […]
Read MoreMoral injury
Edit: While this post was focused on veterans like myself, moral injury can occur in many professions including first response, medical care, and in other situations. – When a veteran returns from war, the focus—if there is any—is usually on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The trauma from the battlefield is the most visible, the easiest to name. But the deeper damage is often invisible. Underground. It’s the moral injury—a wound many veterans, including myself, carry silently because of what we were asked to do in uniform. Moral injury comes from following orders that violate your core beliefs, values, or ethics. Sometimes there was no real choice—except the threat of court-martial or worse. I will always feel partially responsible for the harm and loss caused by the operations I was part of—especially the pain endured by fellow veterans and the innocent lives caught in the crossfire. PTSD wounded my mind. Moral […]
Read MoreYOLO
Pre-ink (stencil) vs 3 years later. The tattoo that nearly hospitalized and could’ve killed me. “YOLO” Well, at the time I was two weeks and roughly 3000 miles away from home on a 15kmi road trip and landed up in New Orleans, in a hotel a block away from Bourbon Street. I heard Bourbon Street was insane. And found it to be true. Within minutes of stepping onto that street, I had secured cigarettes, weed, and alcohol. And once I had a drink in my hand, was offered nearly every drug you could think of before I reached the end of the street. I just wanted to unwind with a joint and a “hand grenade” cocktail…these folks were doing hardcore shit. It was quickly overwhelming and I was dead tired from driving from Austin, TX so I called it a night. The next morning I got up, found beighnets and […]
Read MoreBellingham and Whatcom Leaders – Raise Shelter Threshold & End Harmful Sweeps
To: mayorsoffice@cob.org <mayorsoffice@cob.org>, ccmail@cob.org <ccmail@cob.org>, hestone@cob.org <hestone@cob.org>, hahuthman@cob.org <hahuthman@cob.org>, dchammill@cob.org <dchammill@cob.org>, ehwilliams@cob.org <ehwilliams@cob.org>, laanderson@cob.org <laanderson@cob.org>, mlilliquist@cob.org <mlilliquist@cob.org>, Council <council@co.whatcom.wa.us>, CFrazey@co.whatcom.wa.us <CFrazey@co.whatcom.wa.us>, kgallowa@co.whatcom.wa.us <kgallowa@co.whatcom.wa.us>, bbuchana@co.whatcom.wa.us <bbuchana@co.whatcom.wa.us>, tdonovan@co.whatcom.wa.us <tdonovan@co.whatcom.wa.us>, tbyrd@co.whatcom.wa.us <tbyrd@co.whatcom.wa.us>, kkershne@co.whatcom.wa.us <kkershne@co.whatcom.wa.us>, belenbaa@co.whatcom.wa.us <belenbaa@co.whatcom.wa.us>, DTanksle@co.whatcom.wa.us <DTanksle@co.whatcom.wa.us>, ssidhu@co.whatcom.wa.us <ssidhu@co.whatcom.wa.us>, jcotton@cob.org <jcotton@cob.org>Subject: Raise Shelter Threshold & End Harmful Sweeps Dear Whatcom County and Bellingham City Leaders, I am writing to implore Whatcom County and the City of Bellingham governments to work together to raise the winter weather shelter operating threshold to 40°F, including wind chill, whichever is lower. I also urge you to end the counterproductive practice of sweeping homeless encampments during cold weather and to prioritize evidence-based solutions to address the fentanyl crisis. These interconnected issues require compassion, collaboration, and long-term planning—not punitive measures that worsen the challenges faced by our community. The Risks of the Current Shelter Threshold The current shelter threshold of 32°F does not account for the compounded dangers […]
Read MorePlease carry Narcan (naloxone)
Not even twelve hours ago I was a first responder to an overdose. He was a middle aged man with beard and glasses. Average attire for the weather. Found him nearly face down on the corner under the Northgate TLink Station. Unresponsive. Another woman (medically trained) got out of her car, joined me and proceeded to check his vitals and help open his airway. I administered four doses of narcan in what felt like hours of time. About fifteen minutes later help arrived from the fire department. Before they arrived, he stopped breathing several times and his eyes rolled back. His life was disappearing in front of my eyes. Limp and lifeless I pleaded with him to breathe and not fucking die. Please not tonight. I can’t start the year holding a dead person. As soon as we transferred his care to the medics, he stirred and suddenly sat up. […]
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