per·ma·nence /ˈpərm(ə)nən(t)s/ noun The state of lasting or remaining unchanged indefinitely. The Serenity Prayer, an important part of 12 step programs, says, “ God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.” This past week, I hit a wall with my parts. They were polarized. One part wanted acceptance and the other part wanted to reject reality. Of what? For me, it isn’t accepting things I can change. I have mastered asking myself that question. It is the bigger question, have I accepted things I cannot change? Or am I believing a big myth that (insert thing here) will get better? Am I staring at a long downward trend, convincing myself it’ll turn around any day now? Metaphorically speaking, am I watching a very hungry cougar stalk me on the trail and believing that […]
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Acceptance. And Uncertainty.
Psychological acceptance means embracing thoughts, emotions, and inner experiences without judgment and without trying to change them. In an Internal Family Systems session today, I got a heavy dose of reality. So much of what bothers me comes from my denial, my judgments, my black-and-white thinking, and my constant attempts to change things I don’t like. I have protector parts that guard me from facing these unwanted things. Instead of listening to them or building a relationship, I’ve been denying their existence or blaming them for my struggles. On Monday, I finally accepted something hard: healing my childhood trauma is my responsibility. My anger toward my parents wasn’t helping me heal, it was keeping me stuck. I chose to accept their role in raising me, to stop judging them, and to stop trying to change the past. I can’t rewrite history. I can only accept it, focus on the present, […]
Read MoreLove yourself. For realz.
How many times per day do you say “I love you” to yourself or practice some form of self-love? At one point in my life, the answer was simply, “ZERO.” I didn’t. I did the exact opposite and told myself all the ways in which I was unlovable, imperfect, flawed, broken, horrible, unworthy, and helpless. For almost my entire life up until the past few years when I realized that most of those negative and self-destructive thoughts were completely false. I, like you, am LOVABLE and LOVED, am NOT broken, am NOT horrible, am NOT unworthy, and am NOT helpless. If you noticed, I skipped the word “flawed” because (like you) I have my flaws but they do not make me a bad person or unlovable. My flaws and imperfections not only DO NOT define me, but infact they are perfectly normal. Because nobody is perfect, including you. Can you […]
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