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For most of my life my answer to “how often do you practice self-love” was zero. I spent decades telling myself I was broken, unworthy, unlovable. Overweight, bipolar, estranged from my daughters, two failed marriages, nothing to show for my 30s. Then I tried something uncomfortable: I looked in the mirror and said “I love you, Tukayote.” And I listened to every awful thing my brain fired back. Then I wrote it all down. Then I found gratitude in every single one of them. That’s where it started.
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Three weeks without a cigarette. Four days without nicotine. That alone feels unreal. What’s even clearer now is why I smoked. It was never random. It was an escape from discomfort. I got hurt, and I relapsed. Over and over. Cigarettes became how I painted over boredom, stress, anxiety, even happiness. One hour at a time. Now I can finally see the pattern without being inside it. That changes everything. After twenty years, digging through those layers is brutal, but it’s honest work. I’ve avoided 321 cigarettes in 16 days. Thousands of cravings. Thousands of conscious no’s. This isn’t willpower.…
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