Tukayote Helianthus: Unkillable
No Anesthesia. No Bullshit. All Love. 🥰
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Three years ago, I publicly declared I was thriving—healthier than ever, fewer meds, solid friendships, my kids doing better. Four days later, I was drunk, high, manic, suicidal, psychotic, and locked in a psychiatric ward. That cycle repeated until I finally told myself the truth: sobriety wasn’t a preference, it was the only way forward. On January 13, 2024, I stopped drinking. Choosing sobriety—first from alcohol, then from kratom—became one of the deepest acts of self-love I’ve ever made. Now my goal is simple and radical: to understand my true baseline mental health, without substances distorting it. That clarity feels…
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Three weeks without a cigarette. Four days without nicotine. That alone feels unreal. What’s even clearer now is why I smoked. It was never random. It was an escape from discomfort. I got hurt, and I relapsed. Over and over. Cigarettes became how I painted over boredom, stress, anxiety, even happiness. One hour at a time. Now I can finally see the pattern without being inside it. That changes everything. After twenty years, digging through those layers is brutal, but it’s honest work. I’ve avoided 321 cigarettes in 16 days. Thousands of cravings. Thousands of conscious no’s. This isn’t willpower.…
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