I’m Tukayote, An Unkillable Love
Recovery Through Love. No Anesthesia. No Bullshit. 🥰
-
This piece was written after avoidance failed and accountability became unavoidable. Behind Old Bellingham City Hall, with the bass of Drowning in the Drip grounding me in my body, I stayed present with the harm I caused, the consequences I earned, and the amends I am making without asking for forgiveness. This is not a redemption story. It is a commitment to never repeating the damage.
-
For a long time, accountability felt like punishment. Like a tally of my failures. Like proof that something was wrong with me. What I’m learning now is that real accountability is quieter and far more personal. It’s the willingness to look directly at my patterns without flinching, without turning that awareness into self-hatred, and turning it into positive forward movement. Ownership, for me, means recognizing where I contribute to the suffering of others and myself. It means noticing when I avoid, when I harm, when I overextend, when I take more than I give, or when I reach for relief…
-
At sunset on the pier, in the middle of grief I didn’t know how to finish feeling, a complete stranger stepped into my life and quietly changed everything. She didn’t ask for details, explanations, or context. She offered warmth, presence, and long, steady hugs that held my nervous system when words couldn’t. For thirty minutes, the world stopped, grief softened, and I was reminded that kindness, safety, and love exist far beyond romance, history, or expectation.
-
Twenty-six years in a row I had someone by my side. Someone to pour my love into. Someone to anchor the day. This year, I’m alone. Because of my old patterns. This Valentine’s Day almost swallowed me whole until I said fuck that and rewrote the story. I walked the city hand-hearting strangers, giving away balloons, trolling grumpy men, and letting love move freely through me. No rushing. No fear. No performance. Just emotional sobriety, a calm nervous system, and a big, unapologetic heart shared with the world.
-
Pure play downtown. A sober night dancing to Confusion. Improvised movement, loud bass, zero agenda. Just fun, presence, and creative freedom.
-
I woke up anxious and didn’t run. I faced anxiety and didn’t spiral. Thirty-seven days sober in the hardest season of my life, I chose movement over meltdown and discipline over drama. This dance isn’t performance. It’s proof. Identity death cracked me open, and what came back is steadier, sharper, and done selling out.
-
A full-length exposure-therapy photowalk down Cornwall Ave with a 40mm lens and no agenda.
Trending Posts
Trending Tags
40mm abstract photography accountability alcohol sobriety anxiety anxious attachment attachment wounds autonomy avoidance bellingham washington bellingham waterfront bipolar disorder black and white photography boundaries breakups broken heart cannabis sobriety chaos compassion consequences control courage CPTSD crying dance downtown bellingham drugs ego death emotional sobriety emotions exposure therapy fear fear of abandonment fear of loss of love fear of rejection Fixed Zoom freedom friendship full color photography gratitude grief happiness healing healing journey heartbreak identity death identity transformation inner work integrity internal family systems kratom sobriety letting go little squalicum pier lived experience loss love major life changes mental health mindfulness mindful photography music nervous system regulation ownership Pacific Northwest parental wounding parts work patterns performing personal growth photography photography as memory platonic relationships PNW problems psych meds radical acceptance recovery relationship damage relationships resilience Ricoh GRIIIX romance safety secure attachment self-love selfies shadow work shame slow photography sobriety sovereignty starting over transformation trauma trauma responses truth unconditional acceptance unconditional love urban photography vulnerability
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email